In a Wild State

Hi.  Welcome to my blog.  I am a self-proclaimed ‘feral’ mom.  ‘Feral’ is defined as being “in a wild state, especially after escape from captivity or domestication.”*  In many ways this definition does not apply to me.  I live in a city, sleep in a bed, I go to work, and dress in normal clothes.  It does however apply to me in other ways.  I do not adhere to the ‘standard American diet,’ (I follow a plant based diet) I’m an artist, I enjoy the great outdoors, and (as the addition of ‘mom’ to my title would suggest) I view child-bearing in a much different way than I was taught.  I am not feral in all ways, but I am a feral mom.

For most of my life I’ve heard the same story about pregnancy and birth.  A story that includes vomiting, swelling, stretch marks, gestational diabetes, excruciating labor, defecation, epidurals, episiotomies, c-sections, screaming, and pain, somehow followed by a magical moment with someone who looks way too much like a lizard.  I’ve done a lot, like, A LOT of reading in the past months to prepare myself for this journey and I am daring to believe this does not have to be my story.

It is my goal here to talk honestly and openly about my journey to motherhood.  My husband and I are currently childless, but are in the dreaded ‘trying to conceive’ phase.  (You will also not find me using any of those acronyms that other ‘mom blogs’ use, I can’t stand them)  I will share everything I’ve learned about pregnancy, birth, and child-rearing.  I’ll share what I’ve learned from books and what I have and will learn from my experiences with the hope that someone out there will benefit from it.

I’m tired of the “everything is wonderful and being a mom is magical” story.  I’m tired of hearing “it’s worth it”, I’m sure that’s true but I don’t know that for myself yet.  I’m also tired of the attitude, sass, and alcohol induced honesty approach I’ve been hearing more and more of lately, it always had a way of making me feel inferior.   All these things may have their place, but it isn’t here.

This is a place of honesty that comes with understanding and compassion, everyone has their own experience and I offer no judgment.  The only thing I won’t be honest about is my name.  I am writing anonymously for a few reasons.  I haven’t told my family I’m planning on having a baby yet and wouldn’t it be terrible if they found out from my blog?  Also, I feel that to be 100% open about this very intimate subject, I can’t tell you who I am.  If I think people from my life might be reading this I would not tell you all the gory details, I’m just too insecure for that. My fingers would linger over the keys, maybe type a few words just to hit the delete button.

So, with the alias: Feral Momma, please allow me to give you my unedited, gross, horrible, wonderful, sober, and completely honest story of pregnancy and birth.

*Definition provided by Dictionary.com